the name on my business card is mike, and that's all you're getting. scram! make like a tree and get the hell outta here!

actually wait. no. please stay. Please. please

still here? thanks. your first order of business: do not trust anything i say. i could be a liar- or worse, i could be trying to sell you something.

moving on, here's some information about me. since you clearly want it. and since i'm so nice, i'll give it to you!

here on the World Wide Webbed , there are plenty of people like me who have gotten tired of the internet and the world itself becoming increasingly deadset on making the experience of having an identity online a cautionary tale, so i followed suit and packed up my bags from Corporate Zeitgeist Hell; i am now here until further notice.

...wait, you came here to learn about ME? let's pretend i don't have a lethal allergy to getting to the point. for now. (i'm very flattered firstly)

i'm a "businessman" from nowhere-middle-of. i do not sell physical items, i sell psychological concepts. what does that mean? don't ask me. i don't know either. you've already lost your wallet, the next thing on my checklist is your mind. you do not have a choice in this matter. avoid resistance, it is futile.

writing things about myself and being able to keep them in place in the long-term is obnoxiously difficult for me. i go through at least 20 personality metamorphosis's(s?es??) per year, and i often think that it doesn't suit my inner voice after time passes. how am i supposed to accurately depict myself to an unknown viewer if i can't even tell who wrote it a month later?

either way, throughout my incorporeal interweb corkboard ramblings, the so-called person behind it has many thoughts to say and ideas to share. maybe too many for its own good. hopefully the government doesn't start to track me down again! haha. ha. ha.

you may be asking yourself in front of your monitor/screen of choice, (i am hoping it's a monitor, considering this page doesn't really WORK on a mobile device...)

"wow! how do i do this? how do i make this thing but for me?" well, you're in luck, because i'm a complete moron who picked up html and css from a few y*utube videos and g**gle searches. sorry for cursing.

you can figure it out if you try hard enough, but i am a newscaster, not a teacher, so you're gonna have to figure some of that out on your own.

if anything changes within the next eon or two, i'll be sure to update the masses. hopefully. no promises. i'm bad at commitment. and i've got psychological issues. i'm not right in the head. got a problem? report it to my managers.







☞ i am the manager.